Not Giving Up

We had a nice time visiting with my brother on Sunday. It’s amazing the difference that a few weeks can make. He was talking like he normally would and was even walking around without anyone chasing him to make sure he didn’t fall over. Seems that he might be having anxiety over driving though.

Where they live and I long to live, they don’t have “garbage service” that comes to your house and picks up your garbage at the curbside. They have to drive and take their garbage to a facility a few miles away. He seems to be able to do that but when my sister had a doctors appointment for herself, he thought he could drive and so he tried. He ended up having to pull over when more than a few cars were on the road. He thinks he’s ready to go back to work but if he can’t drive then I don’t know.

I remember that feeling of being scared to drive but mine was after a car accident where I was hit by a drunk driver. I remember my older brother sitting on my sisters front steps and telling me that if I didn’t get back behind the wheel then I never would. So I forced myself and I did a bit of “white knuckle” driving for a while but I got over it. I still have nervous feelings in high volume traffic but not like that used to be. Everyday I pray that he gets back to where he needs to be, yet he still has one more surgery to go.

My sister is asking me more and more when will we be able to move up there. Not just because of all of this lately but because she knows that the kids need to be together also in order to support one another. My son and granddaughter don’t stand a chance where we are and if something were to happen to me, I just don’t know what they would do.

I’m honestly about $5000 away from making a difference in whether we can move or not. I’ve still been keeping in touch with lenders and this is what he’s telling me lately. We’re so close that I’ve put up a Gofundme account. I appreciate that someone has donated $5 because every little bit adds up. I don’t know if it will make a difference but this time I’ve put a picture on there of my son and granddaughter, maybe if someone sees who it’s really affecting, it might help.

Sometimes I feel very helpless while other times I feel like I can do anything. It’s weird sort of off an on but I’ll take it as long as I get that feeling of being able to do it, once in a while instead of never.  I’m looking for a second job to add to what we need to move but finding another work from home that I can do with noise in the background is near impossible. I won’t give up though.

If you wouldn’t mind sharing it or even if you have $5 to add to it, that would so great and if you’ve been reading my blog for a little while then you know just how much this means to me and my family. I truly thank you for forwarding or helping out.

 

Help to Move

If even $5 that will make a big difference.

$5.00

https://www.gofundme.com/to-provide-a-safer-home&rcid=r01-153018438269-d48a406aaa53439c&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w

In a Rut!

I think I’m having one of those days where you just don’t enjoy what you do. Not writing in my blog, I love that and truly wish I could make a living at it. I mean the job I do in order to pay the bills. It’s by all means better than my last one as the people at my last one were horrible due to being bought out by a larger company, everyone was fighting to keep their jobs. But I just maybe feel like I’m in a rut with what I’m doing. I work from home so I’m on the computer and phone a lot, which is okay. But there’s no real interaction with coworkers except for a once weekly “chat” with a supervisor which with my schedule, it seems to clash so I end up having maybe two a month instead of four.

I love the company that I work for and it’s complete idea and what it does but I don’t like the particular job that I’m doing. When I came on with the company I told everyone what I like and they told me that it shouldn’t be a problem as a lot of people move around. So I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing that long and should be able to do what I like in no time at all. I currently work the phones and talk to people all day. Don’t get me wrong, I love people and getting to hear the different accents and cultures. But I have always wanted to be non phone and do emails. With emails I would have to chance to do what I love and that is to write.

Sometimes I think it’s because the people on the phones like me so much with how I treat them, that they don’t want to move me. Other times I think it’s because I don’t get the fast times and push as many calls through as the younger employees do. I don’t treat customers like a number or hurding cattle. To me, everyone is the person that they are and I treat them like that. I listen and I respond to what I’m told, just as I would expect to be treated over the phone. I’m constantly told by customers of how rude the last person was or that they didn’t take care of what they needed to do. But it’s these same people that the customers are complaining about that seem to get all the glory.

Why is it that the hard working employees always seem to get the short end of the stick while the employees that half-ass their job get the promotions and the pat on the back? I’ve never understood this concept and maybe it’s because my head isn’t so far up someones butt that I truly see what’s going on?

Call me old-fashioned but I still believe in good customer service, whether you’re buying a soft drink at a convenience store or buying a home, it all comes down to treating the customer with courtesy and respect. I’m not saying that if a customer is rude or treats me bad that I’m going to treat them like royalty, no it works both ways. But, I do have the sense to be able to listen and know when someone is being rude to me or they’re just really upset over what might have just happened to them. I can’t blame them for feeling like I might do the same thing if another employee just treated them like crap. But it just takes simple listening and understanding, which a lot of people seem to be born without.

What options do I have right now? I could change companies but then it’s like starting over from the bottom again and I really like this company. It’s a very young run company though and sometimes the “hip” way to do things really can put off some customers. I see things that could be changed but I’ve learned, specially with my last job, that I should keep my mouth shut because them you’re looked at as a trouble maker and heaven knows that would only make it worse.

I wish I could run my own business of just emailing with people. I don’t know what kind of company that would be, I mean who would hire a company just to do emails for them?  With the blog, I don’t know how people make it proffitable with just writing about things they think of or feel. That would be nice too, to make money from writing here and be able to support my family doing so. I would write everyday then because it’s what I love to do.

But today, I’m in a rut with how I feel. Hopefully the sun will come out and change this mood. Maybe by noon I’ll start to feel better and more positive about the future here. I’ll try positive thoughts and look at the birds outside my window. Wish me luck!

He’s My Brother

I’m back home after a few days of craziness, but when is my life not crazy? My brother-in-law had his surgery and it was scary. You try not to think the worst but of course they have to tell you the possibilities. I didn’t know that he would have two procedures and he did. Did you know that they can stop the blood flow to your brain? I didn’t think they were supposed to do that but they did. They did it the day before the surgery to remove the tumor. The tumor was in his neck and they had to remove it.

When they stopped the blood, he seemed to have a huge headache. The doctors said that the tumor was mad and had been feeding off of the blood. It’s just crazy to think that there is something living inside you that shouldn’t be there, it all sounds too science fiction to me. He seemed to stay in a sedated state throughout the rest of the day and up until his removal surgery the next day. He couldn’t open his eyes except for seconds at a time and then they would close again. He couldn’t speak completely but could make noises so you knew he was responding. Sometimes he would bring his legs up and stretch them so we knew his back was hurting by this time.

I know they tell you that the surgery will be find and that they have to tell you all of the things that can happen during it. I just don’t think they prepare you for how this person could react to the anesthesia. I’ve had anesthesia a few times in my life and I don’t remember being like he was. Again he didn’t open his eyes except for brief seconds. But his speech was just grunts at this point if he did grunt at all. He didn’t move his legs like before and had a more silent appearance about him, it was scary.

They kept saying that it would wear off and then he might be able to go home the next day. However, he stayed like that throughout the night! In my head I was terrified thinking that something had gone wrong and they didn’t know it. Instead of him going home the next day, he ended up staying another night as he still could not walk and was very very sleepy.

During the night, he seemed to start “waking up”, his speech improved and the next morning they were able to get him up and walking. It was a relief to see that he was starting to come out of it.

I had to leave as I had my own doctors and work that I had to get back to. So when I got the message that they were home, I couldn’t have been more happier. He still has the drain in but that is nothing compared to what we worried about. I think he’s learning that he’s not as strong as he thought he was so this might be a little blow to his ego, not that he had a big ego anyway. But I’m so happy that he’s doing better and I can’t wait to see them both. First I’ll let them rest and settle in at home before going to see them. I’m just truly happy that he came out of it. He’s family, he’s my brother.

Vulnerable

I’m trying something new today, when it comes to the house. I’ve had an offer through a company that will buy it with no strings attached and I don’t have to fix anything. However, another company came in and said it was worth more and they hadn’t looked at it yet. I reached out to them and they never responded so I’m not holding my breath on that one. But have you seen the commercials for the companies that will buy your house without you having to play closing costs or anything and you can fill it out online? I just filled out the information for one and I’m going to see what happens. If I could get enough to just move all together then we could do it.

With the gofundme, nothing has come of that so I don’t think that’s the way to go anymore, I don’t think anyone but a couple of family members have actually looked at it. It was hard to open up like that and put it where people know me and then to see nothing happen to it, that hurt. No one even said anything to me about it or asked questions, they just let it fall to the side. I think that hurt the most is being felt like no one sees you and knows just how vulnerable you have just made yourself.

We will see what happens with the page I just filled out and hopefully it is good news. If I could get more money for the house then I can move without having to have a huge mortgage that I would struggle with. I want so badly for my granddaughter to go to a brick and mortar school and I need it to be a safe one. We’re finally doing a field trip that is set up through virtual school but it’s all grades so I don’t know how much she’ll like it. The ones that are set for her grade have always been scheduled on days that I work so we couldn’t go. She’s so excited for this and I know it’s because she wants to see other kids. It breaks my heart that I can’t give her that right now. Hopefully this will work out, I don’t know what else to try.

Outside Job?

It’s been a little over a week since starting a new medication for how I’m feeling. I’ve only been on my “emergency” medication for a long time and now we’ve added another one in to help with the between emergency times. The first few days were unbelievable, I had energy and the motivation to get things done, I haven’t felt like that in forever. However, I think it’s something that builds up in your system so your body gets used to it because the effect, while still somewhat there, has dimmed a little.

Maybe it’s because I’m used to the feeling now? The heavy, dark feeling isn’t there anymore but the enthusiasm that the medicine gave me at first isn’t quite there either. I wish that feeling would stay longer so that it would become a habit or something. But the few days that I had it were wonderful.

I’m trying to figure out what to do in the other parts of my life. I wonder if working from home is adding to how I feel. Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful being able to work from home and it saves on gas and clothing (not that I bought a lot of clothes before). However, being inside all the time with no excuse to go anywhere could be adding to it. We’ve gone for a few walks outside but when I get off of work, it’s dinner time and sometimes already too dark to go walking so we’re stuck in the house or have to take a drive in the car to get out, that’s still not walking though.

I don’t know if getting an outside job would help but then when we finally get to where we can move, I would have to pick up and leave again and then find another job there. I wish I could just quiet my mind from all of these thoughts, that’s the one thing I know would help but how does someone even attempt to do that. There is always something going through my mind, even if it’s planning dinner. Why won’t my brain shut up!

 

It’s Not Fair

Have you ever bought a new house? Or just new to you? If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I haven’t but I’m trying to. I just want to know why is it so stressful and difficult.

Why are we made to feel less of ourselves when going through to process of finding a home and then qualifying for it? With all the questions that are asked, I feel like they do more than the secret service does. Now I know that’s not true but it just feels like it at times. Who knew that buying a house meant that you had to open up every aspect of your life for someone else’s criticism?

After giving away all of my life secrets (okay, not all), then I’m told that the house is no longer available or that the owner took someone else’s offer. So it starts almost all over again. Having to find another place and hopefully feel the same if not better about the previous one. If I don’t get the one and then end up with another, does that mean I’m settling? I don’t want to settle, I want to be happy and safe, while close to family.

With yesterday being Easter, myself and my family living with me, took the drive to spend the day with my sister. We drove by the street that one of the “potentials” sits on. But I think this one is out of my reach. It’s more expensive, not by much but I think it puts it a little bit out of my grasp. I did make a gofundme page but there has been zero activity on it. I don’t want to put my families picture on it because, well, it’s been so embarrassing as it is with what we’ve been through.

I go back to describing it as a rollercoaster of emotions that just never stops. I am hopeful at times while I hit a horrible low at other times. This cannot be good for my health and I need to figure it out one way or another. Today, hopefully, I will hear back from a lender and see if my hard work has paid off any and if they can help. The last one said we needed more money down but I don’t have it. I’m just trying to save my family and not have my granddaughter grow up where she has to be afraid. Why do people trying to do good things seem to have the hardest time? It just doesn’t feel fair sometimes that I work so hard and yet people in “power” still say I’m not good enough. It’s just not fair.

Second Thought

I don’t feel like I’m a part of anything, like a group of friends or even a group of coworkers. I just feel alone in all aspects of my life right now and no one seems to know how that feels.

There’s a little “newsletter” that work does so that you can get to know your coworkers a bit more. We’re not a big group so I knew my time to have my information in this newsletter was coming up. The girl running it asked for my info and I gave it to her along with a little bit about myself, that she asks everyone for. I came into work this morning to find my “edition” in my email as it was distributed to everyone. So now, after I’ve worked really hard to have people get to know me and it’s not that easy in a virtual setting. Everyone now has, what has to be, someone else’s information because I was not born in Minnesota in which it states.

I know it shouldn’t be a big deal to me but it feels like one like I don’t even matter to them enough to make sure that it’s right. Wouldn’t you think that they would know they’re reading something that they just put on another newsletter? Did they even bother to read it before sending it out? I’ve never seen a retraction on any other so they must have gotten them right before they got to me.

It’s just been a rotten week already and then I come in to this? Why can’t I just matter enough to one person so that I know there is someone that cares about me and that I am here for a reason. Sometimes the smallest of things can make the biggest difference to someones day and this one was a negative difference. But we should take the time to make sure that what we do is good enough for the person that it will affect. If not, it just might make that person feel like a second thought, like this does to me.

Confusingly Sick

I think I’m getting a cold. Scratchy throat and runny nose, the runny nose has been here for a little bit but that’s been due to the blanket of pollen we’ve had for the last few weeks. Yet this scratchy throat that causes a little cough has thrown me off.

The stress of everything going on right now has really taken its toll on my immune system. I should have known better and done something about it before it got to this. Now I’m sitting here working while sniffling and clearing my throat. Tomorrow is a day off so maybe I can sleep some of it off.

Last night I made an emergency grocery store run to get the basics, orange juice and vitamin drops to keep my throat wet, but I forgot chicken to make a broth with. Being a good patient is not one of my strong qualities so normally I’ll close myself off in my room and stay away from anyone. It’s a good tactic so that everyone else doesn’t get sick but also it keeps them away from my bad attitude too.

When I was little and would get sick, I remember my mother would always make chicken soup if it was a cold, an upset stomach got tea and toast or ginger ale. Why do we always feel better when it comes from our mothers? Just like being sick at school or at work, we feel so much better just by walking through our doors at home. Maybe it’s just that we know we can relax and not put on a front of how we’re supposed to feel. At home, if we feel like sticking a tissue in our nose, we can darn well do it. But at work, you have to be proper with your actions and it’s uncomfortable to keep saying “excuse me” when you sneeze or need to leave the room to blow your nose. Don’t get me started on people that don’t leave the room to do that.

For my job, it takes a lot of talking on the phone and that is irritating my throat even more. I wonder how many of these drops I’m allowed to use in a day? Coffee was a must this morning but then it will be hot tea with honey. Honey is one of my go-to items when it’s cold and flu season, I truly believe it has healing powers because it does, at least with me. The biggest bottle I can find is the one that ends up on my shelf at the beginning of the season and this year, we actually had to buy a second one.

The weather this year has been so all over the place that there’s no way to know what’s going on and get prepared for it. But I can’t give myself too much flack for not knowing because if Mother Nature doesn’t know what it’s doing, how in the world am I?

I need to get some more tissues (the ones that stay cold) and they are in the other room. My body aches at just the thought of getting up to get them and no one else is awake yet. I hope it clears up quickly and Mother Nature gets her plans back in order. I’m ready for a nice summer.

Would You Share It?

Well, today is pushing my ability to handle sadness. I’ve worked for the last few months in order to get things lined up, only to be told no again. Always in my life are people saying no to me and I’m so tired of it.

I think I work really hard for my family and always have but no matter what I do, there is always someone or something standing in my way. I’ve never asked for charity nor expected it but others always take advantage of it and seem to get where they want or need to go.

Should I do this? Should I ask for help from strangers that do not know me? I see where people put up a gofundme page for other reasons like travelling. Travelling would be fun but it’s not necessary and they still get funded. Should I try something like this? I don’t open up to the people around me, except for one sister.

If I put it here, would you share it without truly knowing me? My mind is all over the place right now and I just don’t know what to do. I have to protect my family and they’re telling me no, again.

Would you share it if I put myself out there again?

Customer Service

How do you keep dealing with something when you know it’s not being handled correctly? When you know down deep in your soul that the person set for this job is not doing what they need to do. Why does everyone think this person is so great when you can clearly see that they’re skating by on their “links” with other people. Maybe this is why everyone praises because they don’t want the backlash of the people that they know.

I deal with customers on a minute by minute basis with my work and it’s clear to me that some of the people that they put in charge of making decisions at just above my level are not qualified for the position they’ve been given. I could be overthinking it but my stand on customer service is a strong one because I believe it’s the customers that support the company first and not the supervisors. But I think the supervisors can sometimes get an inflated ego by the supervisor term.

How does someone just stand by when they know that decision is not the right one? I do need my paycheck so I’m not able to cause a rift but seriously, watching and experiencing a customer not be treated the way that I know they should, kills me!

With an experience just a couple of days ago, before my day off, that I clearly felt the customer was in the right. The supervisor on duty at the time said: “stick with the procedure and let it go”. This was an unusual case that doesn’t happen that often so the procedure is not truly in place for this instance. This “procedure” means that the customer is treated as if their grievance means nothing to us when they’re clearly right in speaking up about it. The supervisor wants no research done to clarify what exactly happened, just wants the customer to be told that nothing can be done and to basically go away.

However, I did write a letter to the other party involved after I was told to “blow off” the customer. When I came back to work today, there is no response from that letter. I’m not sure that I would expect one as it was still the weekend or because they don’t wish to deal with it either. It’s killing me inside to know that this customer is being treated like rubbish and everyone acts like it’s the norm!

Where did we as a society change and say that this is allowable? Why do we not realize that when someone chooses to patronize a company, that it is a choice and they more than likely have other options. There are definitely some monopolized industries but to those that are not, like the one I work in, why are we not putting the customer first? There are stores that I have not been to in years because of my personal experience there. I just sit back and wait as it normally reflects on a larger scale to that store so I see that it’s not just me.

A simple friendly face or voice can turn a situation around for many people. My hands are tied on this but this customer knows that I’m doing all I can and they thanked me profusely for listening and even just trying. How sad it is that someone has to be so grateful for the one thing that the company should be doing in the first place. Why is this accepted as the norm?

I know I might be a bit vague on what it is that I do but it’s customer service over the phone for a  company that is strictly web-based with its services. No product is delivered or anything but it is a service that is rendered and provided. This is my first experience working with a web-based company and I truly love the idea of it. But I don’t know if it’s because I was raised differently or if others think that just because it’s not a brick and mortar company that they don’t have to treat the customer the same as if they could walk through the door?

There is a home office and I’m told customers have visited, but I would say 97% of the employees are virtual and have never stepped foot into home office. Does this make them feel less accountable for how they treat people?

To me, a person is a person is a person, no matter if they’re over the phone or standing directly in front of me. I treat everyone the same no matter who they are. I’ve met millionaires and I’ve met homeless people, they are the same in my eyes until I experience how they treat me. Someone is nice to me, I’m nice to them and same goes for treating me bad, everyone is the same to me.

Am I so different in thinking this way?