A Little Hard Work

I find myself at work sometimes wondering how companies can feel good when they know that their company doesn’t pay a living wage? I’m blessed to have a job, it’s better than not having one but I still cannot pay my bills on time with what I make. I’ve told my manager that I’m looking for a part-time job to add but to be honest, if someone would offer me a job that pays a living wage, I would take full-time.

Honestly, I’ve had two interviews so far with a government agency. This one pays pretty good, not the most that I’ve made but it would pay my bills each month with extra left over. The hours would be unpredictable so that is a downside but providing a paid for home and having food on the table. Being able to buy school clothes without anyone else’s help. I just can’t stop going after that division, every posting that I see within a reasonable driving time.

One of the interviews was truly strange. It was a group interview, which was weird in itself. When I was asked to come into the room for the “interview”, the only thing he did was read over the questions on the application, that was it! It was so strange. The second interview that I went to at a different location was a bit more normal. When I was asked to step in for the interview, he was cordial and actually had a conversation with me, I was so thankful. He said he selected me but he had to take his selections to three other people and see who gets chosen from there.

My sister and her husband helped to purchase four pair of pants. School is just around the corner and I won’t know what will be needed for supplies until we go to orientation. Little by little I fall further and further behind in everything and just pray that I’ll be able to dig us out.

I just don’t understand how I can sit in these interviews and can tell the people that won’t stick around but the interviewers don’t seem to. Am I missing something?

At my current job, they all know that I’m applying other places and I think some are jealous or just plain crazy. I was talking to a girl about it when another girl came up and said that she worked for it and didn’t like it. I knew she did but she did a completely different job and left it because she thought it was too hard. She tried to put in negative things to my conversation and say things that weren’t true about the position that I’ve been applying for. I spoke up and told her that she was wrong, that it was not what I was being told and seeing. She seemed to get upset that I went against what she was saying. Then she said “that’s what others said in that position, I knew them so if you think that’s good then go ahead” then turned and walked off so no one could say anything to her. I truly think that she’s a bit jealous that she gave it up before giving it a chance, or is it just that she has the mindset that since she has a masters degree that it’s below her?

My co-workers masters degree is in literature, yet she said she doesn’t want to be a teacher and now she sits behind a desk doing customer service for less than minimum wage. I don’t get the logic, nowadays employers don’t care what the degree is in, only that you have one. They don’t seem to care if you’re applying for something that is nowhere near what you studied but seem to think just because you have that degree that you can do anything. They completely confuse education with intelligence all the time. She’s a nice girl but why would you not want to work and make enough to pay your bills? With a masters degree, you have to have school bills? I guess her parents could have very well paid for it, I’m not sure. It just drives me crazy that when you have that step up to use and you don’t use it. Why bitch about your situation when you’re not willing to take a chance and do some work at a job you studied for?

Maybe I’m not making any sense or maybe it’s just me, I don’t know. I just want to get paid a decent wage for an honest days work. There’s no entitlement here nor any intention to sit on my butt and let someone else carry the load. I consider myself a hard worker. Is being a hard worker a thing of the past? I know with everyone being on the computer more it’s hard to think of doing labor but what the heck? How does anyone get anything done anymore, hire someone to do it? Who are they hiring?

It’s frustrating but I just hope that I’ll hear good news from one of the interviews. I just hope and put it out there.

Silent Universe

How can a large family have different roles and the younger siblings seem to have the most common sense responsibilities? One would think that the older children would be the ones to take on the roles of keeping the family together once the parents have passed on. It seems my family is just thrown all out of wack because the older siblings don’t seem to know that they need to step up.

At a young age, I knew that I was going to be the one to care for her when she was ill. This never bothered me because to me, this was a blessing in hindsight. The opportunity of getting to know her as my friend came with the responsibility of being there for her.  While my older siblings left the house, got married and had kids of their own, I was home with my mother trying to help the two of us survive.

Since my mother passed, the older siblings just seemed to keep on doing their own thing. We’ve recently moved this past six months and that has made it easier for me to see two of my sisters but only one comes over to us. The other sister, well, I just don’t understand what’s going on because I’ve asked her to come over and it just doesn’t happen. My older brother suffers from depression as I do but he doesn’t seem to have it under control. I’ve tried to reach out to him but he refuses to answer me back. He seems to have contact with my younger brother but that is it.

My older brother makes really good money, more than double what I used to make before. But with his depression, he misses a lot of work so it’s my understanding that he lost where he was staying. My older sisters know this and yet I’ve not seen nor heard one of them offer him to come into their home. I’ve tried to contact him to see if he truly has nowhere to stay but I don’t know where he is or what his situation is because he refuses to answer me.

I do still have to live every day and provide for my immediate family but I could at least offer him a roof to be under if he needed. He would have to go to work because I’m not truly making the bills as it is so with one more mouth to feed and electricity to pay for, that could truly break the bank. I just don’t know what to do.

It seems that the most trying times in my life have always been things that I’ve had to experience alone. The responsibilities of paperwork while my mother was in the hospital and the time of her passing. The lawyers afterwards and the fighting to save the house when the state wanted to take it. My surgery after loss of blood, having them ask if anyone was waiting for me truly hurt when I had to say no. No one was concerned enough to be there when I came out of surgery.

Trying to get through to my older brother is something that again I seem to be doing on my own. I don’t know the area well enough to drive around and find him so I’m not sure how this is going to turn out but we’re not getting any younger. It just boggles my mind though that my other older siblings don’t seem bothered or willing to stop their lives for just a moment to reach out to him.

I wish I knew someone that had gone through this and could give me some advice. I have no idea how to figure this out and could sure use someone to talk to.

Guess it’s just me and the silent universe again tonight.

Blessed

I find myself with a little time at night that I can be here. Getting home after dinner time doesn’t leave much time for anything except to eat and then go to sleep. I do make sure to spend time with my grand baby but then she’s got to go to bed earlier than I do so it’s a little hard, I miss her.

Even though I miss out on family time, I am blessed that someone finally hired me. It’s not a lot of money but it’s way better than nothing. Right now I’m trying to balance the bills so that I can try and get caught up. The paycheck isn’t big enough to pay everything at once but I’m thinking that I can break it down into smaller payments during the month, if I can get caught up first. Has anyone else ever done that?

The people that I work with are very nice but I have to say, no one there has a clue how to train someone. I’ve been doing my best to find everything and anything that I can in order to learn. I’m still terrified that no matter how much I try, it’s not going to be good enough and I’m going to mess up. It doesn’t help that I’m the oldest one there, not that anyone makes it an issue, just how it feels.

I’m stretching every penny that I get, they gave us a ham for Easter and I’ve made sandwiches all week and ham and eggs for breakfast. I can’t wait to get caught up and know that the bills are paid. Does there ever come a time when you don’t worry? Maybe if it weren’t just me paying the bills. I don’t place any hard feelings on my son because he really can’t do anything until my grand goes to physical school next year. He’s her teacher right now and we had to do that before we moved because it wasn’t safe. Maybe it will be better when there are two paychecks coming in, just have to get there.

I was  hoping to be able to afford a movie this weekend, they actually have a drive in movie theater here. When I was little it was such a treat to get to go to the drive in, then they closed it down. I can’t wait to get to go with the kids. I want to give them memories like I have, mind you my memories are nothing to do with money but with family and experiences with family. That’s what I want them to have, good simple family memories.

With tonight being Friday, I do take peace in knowing that I can go to bed without setting the alarm but I’m also thankful that I have to do that on Sunday night. I am thankful, I am blessed and even though it’s hard, I know I am blessed.

Kiss a Frog

The power went out tonight, and the world went dark. We have no street lights, just a power pole that we pay additional to have, it also went out. We never realized just how dark it truly gets here until tonight.

Every sound came through the windows and it was quiet except for a few snapping twigs and a breeze. After calling the power company we sat down to wait for technology to come back into the house. Sitting by the window, talking and laughing about how frightened of the dark we were, was a lot of fun.

In the quiet and darkness we started to see flashes of light. The power company working to fix the power? The flashes were sporadic and weren’t lit long enough to be the power company, what were we looking at?

Lightning bugs! Some people call them fireflies and I thought they just didn’t exist any longer. I have memories from when I was a child, running around in the back yard while trying to catch them. It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen them so it was truly magical.

As I explained what they were to my granddaughter, she still didn’t quite understand. So I told her that they were Raymone’s family from Princess and the Frog, then she seemed to get it, just hope she doesn’t think the frogs around here need to be kissed.

We had a wonderful time tonight, no TV or just noise in general, heck when the power goes out here, you can’t flush the toilet because the well has no power, so there really isn’t anything to make noise except for nature. Nature was amazing tonight, we were frightened at first but once we calmed down and realized the blessing that we were being shown, it was breathtaking. It’s times like this that I believe we are given so that we can remember that God has already given us the amazing gift of family, we only need to remove the things that God hasn’t given us in order to realize it.

My days are certainly not easy and I truly still worry but my family is with me and we were given this night to remember. One that I hope my granddaughter grows up to tell her children about. Life isn’t about the physical things that we collect but instead the memories that we cherish and pass on to our family.

God has blessed me with my family.

Working Clothes

My head is pounding tonight but things are starting to look up. If it’s a headache from being tired, I’m okay with it.

As my bank account dropped under $300, I received an interview for a job and was able to get it. I still won’t get a paycheck for another three days and at this time I believe, my bank account is now at $137. I’ve been making it stretch so that I have gas to get back and forth to work. Wow does that sound nice finally! I prayed and panicked and prayed again until finally something happened.

I’ve never done this area of work before but it is still customer service, so that is what I do best. At this point in time, I’m in the frustrated, feeling like a kindergartner lost looking for the bathroom stage. There are people working there that are a lot younger than I am and that’s always a weird feeling to have them try and teach you what they do. But everyone there is so nice and accepting of me. They tell me to give it at least two months before I even start to feel like I know what I’m doing. I can’t wait for that to be over so that I can truly do what I know that I can.

With not working at home, it’s taking a bit of getting used to not being home. I haven’t had the opportunity to meet new people in the past two and a half years. Working from home truly takes away an avenue of meeting people that everyone normally has. So having the opportunity to meet and talk to new people in person is a nice change.

To be honest, when I went on the interview, I wore makeup. For me, makeup is a big deal because I had stopped wearing it about seven years ago when my panic attacks started. With my panic attacks, they make me cry so I couldn’t keep applying more during the day. When I interviewed, corporate people were there so the makeup fit in. When they called and said I had the job, I was more than ready to wear makeup. But on that first morning, I sat down with all of the war paint and just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I ended up putting lotion and then just eye liner and mascara. I’m so glad that I went with this because I got there and corporate was not there. I don’t think any of the women in the office wear more than eyeliner and mascara. I would have stood out like a sore thumb and been so uncomfortable so it was a good choice.

Now I have the issues of just having real clothes, another thing when you work from home is that you don’t truly focus on your wardrobe.  I know, first world problem and I accept that and am thankful that it is what I’m facing right now and not something more. I am thankful that I have the problem of not enough clothes to wear to work.

I’m sorry that there is not much tonight, the headache is getting the best of me and it’s time to close my eyes. Thanks for hanging in there and listening when I felt finished, with no other options.

Tomorrow is a new day and it is welcomed into my world with great excitement again!

Keep Looking and Pray

I’m truly worried, to the point that I cannot sleep at night. Next month I have enough to make the car payment but that is it. I have to pay the car because without a car, I cannot go to job interviews. I’m scared of what’s going to happen because I’ve never been this far into unemployment.

It’s not for a lack of trying because my full time job right now is looking for a job. I’ve had three interviews but so far nothing has come from them. I will be reaching out to one of them tomorrow as it’s been a week and they said to call them. But really, if you have to call them, are they really considering you?

A job is a job and I’ve put in for a lot of things so that I can get working. Companies have no personal contact with applicants anymore and have no idea who is on the other side. I received a decline email from Aldi! I put in for a cashier position so that I can work and they said no. No, I haven’t worked retail in some years but heavens sake, what does that mean when you can’t even get a cashier position to say yes? My son says that he thinks they assume I’ve over qualified and that’s why they rejected me. But in the same thoughts, other jobs that are in my field, want a degree. Companies want to pay someone $10 and hour but require them to have a degree, it makes no sense.

It makes me wonder if I would be having better luck had we not moved. Is this happening because we moved out into the “country”? No matter where I work, if it’s not a work from home then I’m going to be driving upwards of 30 miles one way to work. It’s completely fine with me but I wonder if that plays into their decision making also.

Insurance companies keep reaching out to me but I have never applied to them. They want you to get your license and then sell for them but I can’t afford that. I truly have no interest in insurance but I’ll do whatever job I’m offered, I just can’t afford to pay to get a job. What else do I need to do?

Applying for jobs today is completely different from when I entered the workforce. Everything is on the computer and about 95% of the time, employers do not respond to your application with a no if they decide not to hire you. So with this empty void of not knowing, you keep going with the blind search on the computer. Companies do not see you as a person anymore, not at first. It used to be that you could present yourself to the company when you went in to fill out the application. This gave you a chance to get a feel for the company while they were able to start their opinion about you, it was a personal experience. Getting a job has nothing to do with the person that you are now, it’s about the person you are on paper.

I’ve been trying to think of things that I can make in order to sell but I can’t think of anything that anyone would want to buy. My best asset is how I relate to people and help them know that they’re appreciated and valued. Customers feel like cattle in today’s world, tag ’em, milk ’em and move ’em. This could be why so many companies are going out of business. If a customer is going to be treated like a blank dollar sign in person then why not just purchase online? The brick and mortar company doesn’t invest in the customer in the sense they need to in order to keep the physical door open. It’s sad but it’s been heading that direction for a long time now and unfortunately I’m on the end of paying  a price for it.

What does the future hold for us? The house is paid for but without electricity out here, it’s really dark and the water doesn’t come out of the well. My brain goes to a worse case scenario with all of what could happen. I’m applying for everything, no matter what it is. I can always keep looking while I have something else but if a grocery store won’t hire me, what the heck?

I’m relying on my faith and if you’ve been reading my blog then you know even that has been tested a few times. I still believe in the power of prayer but I don’t know if that revolves around the power of the mind or not. It gives me a little comfort at least but I don’t know how I’ll have comfort next month when the money is truly gone. I have $423.17 in the bank and that is it. I’ve made it stretch for six months and I cannot stretch it any further. What am I going to do?

Keep looking and pray.

Sweet Tea and a Cool Breeze

I’ve been busy searching for jobs while keeping the bills paid, it’s a lot of stress. Putting on a happy face everyday when you’re truly not sure what is going to happen, how much longer can I do this?

One application did lead to a skills test, they said I passed the test but they weren’t asking me back for an interview. Other applications will simply get me an email saying that they’re no longer filling that position. I feel like I’m banging my head against a door that I don’t have the key for.

The money is really dwindling down and there’s not much time left with it. I just paid the available bills this morning and I just want to cry because I know that there are three more bills that just haven’t come out yet. I have to find a way to raise more money before running out. I’m thankful for the weather lately, it’s been a little chilly but not enough to need to have the heat on, this would really raise the light bill and I can’t do that right now.

I am very thankful for what we already have and have achieved these past few months. The hot cup of coffee by my side is more than someone else might have and I am thankful. Being so negative, I’m truly sorry for showing that side of me but here is where I feel that I can let that out.

We’ve been able to spend more time outside here, we could never do that before moving. Yesterday we put together a shed that I had purchased before losing my job. It got to be late so we have to finish putting on the roof of it today. But being outside and all three of us working together, my granddaughter was the gopher for us and she also made some pretty designs in the dirt. It was fun to watch her actually play in the dirt and just be a kid. It’s taken a bit of getting used to when it comes to being outside. Before moving, we felt captive in the house due to all of the violence there and now we can leave the windows open and be way out in the back property and know that no one is going to come in. I do still lock the door at all times but I don’t want that to change, it’s a habit that I think is still good no matter where you are.

Without money coming in, we’re learning how to stay home and enjoy each others company. There really haven’t been a lot of requests to do other things but the ability was still there before whereas it isn’t now. My son and his daughter planted seeds that we saved from vegetables and they’re actually growing. I have a feeling though that when they move them outside, the deer will eat them. But it’s nice to see them doing things together.

There’s still plenty of land to clear so when I’m waiting on new job listings to come up, we’ll be out in the yard cutting it down. My dream of sitting in a lawn chair with a glass of sweet tea while watching the kids play is getting closer, it’s what helps to keep me going sometimes.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring a new crop of listings but it is a holiday so possibly Tuesday for sure. I wish you the best of weeks and hope you do the same for me. Thanks for never judging me and just letting me vent sometimes.

Hectic Just Isn’t the Word

As I watch the screen for the outside cameras, my nerves are jumping tonight. It’s been a very emotional week so far and I’m exhausted to the point that I can’t settle down.

Monday started out normal or at least my most recent form of normalcy. That afternoon however my younger brother called while crying. His son was being transferred to a larger hospital to their pediatric ICU. No one knew anything yet, just where he was being taken. Since moving I am almost two hours away from them and his son is like my son, he and I are very close.

My nephew came to visit recently over the new year holiday and I had noticed that he had lost a lot of weight but he said it was because he wasn’t eating as much. There has been a lot of drama between my brother and his ex-wife since she has a new boyfriend and will leave my nephew home with her sister (not worth a dirty tissue if you ask me). My nephew was telling me that he cannot get food out of the refrigerator because he doesn’t know what is his and what is his aunts (her sister). I had already told my brother to get full custody of his son due to the food situation but I don’t know what happened with it.

My sister went with me to the hospital, because she wanted to and because it was a long drive and it would be a late drive home. We arrived and went into the room to see my nephew. He was extremely groggy but was making sounds. Only holding his eyes slightly open for just moments at a time, I could see that he knew I was there. I took his hand and he tried to talk but in order to hear him I had to put my ear to his face. There were many bags that I wasn’t sure what they were just yet. As we spent more time and the nurses kept coming in, I found out what happened.

My nephew was diagnosed with Diabetes and was brought in with a sugar level of 530. This number was stunning to me as I remember from helping my mother to manage her diabetes, this was a coma number. With my nephew being roughly 6′, he said he weighed only 148 at the time. They were giving him insulin, saline and some antibiotics as he also was found to have the flu at the same time.

As we visited, his sugar started to lower and that was evident with him being able to open his eyes for longer period of times. His speech was becoming a little bit clearer so I didn’t have to lean so close. I’m glad he knew I was there by then and that I’ll always be there for him. He was scared and he told me so many times that night.

The nurses allowed us to stay way past visitor hours so I was thankful for that but he needed rest. His sugar was down to 213 at this point and we decided to head out and let him rest. The next day I video chatted with him and although he still seemed tired, he had eaten and gotten the drink that he had been constantly asking for the night before. Two days later he was allowed to leave but had to go straight to a doctor that would help him with his new way of living. Tonight he said he is doing well so I will keep in touch with him and see how he’s adjusting.

During all of this I have had my new roof installed, a shed arrived, we cleared more land (and found more junk) and somehow fit grocery shopping in all of this. I am extremely tired but my mind just doesn’t want to stop from feeling nervous. It’s almost the feeling of waiting for the other foot to fall, a dread of some sort. This has to stop soon, I have a long day tomorrow and then Monday I have to find clothes for a skills test for a job, they make sure you know that it’s not an interview but instead a skills test. I still want to make a good impression because you never know who will be there and see you. With being older, I can’t let anything slip.

Telling myself to calm down only makes it worse so I have to stop doing that because tomorrow comes in a little while, maybe I can put on a movie that will make me sleepy. Wish me luck!

No Sirens

It’s quiet tonight, only the sound of the television is barely breaking the silence. Not having any noises from outside used to be a foreign thing for me to think of but not anymore. When sounds do come from outside, it’s that when my attention gets sharp as it’s always so still. I’m getting used to it and could never go back to constant pounding music from cars, gunshots and police sirens. The closest I get to hearing sirens now is when my son is watching Live TV. Funny to think that I thought I would be so lost out here and now I just couldn’t see anywhere else.

It’s been hard, we’ve been working the past few days at more cleaning and repair of things. My son does a lot out in the yard while I was up on a chair painting in hard to reach places, but white paint is so much better than the midnight teal that was up there. Everything was allowed to get dark and dingy here but it’s changing, opening up to light and inviting. There’s still another two or so coats before the prior color is gone but it’s a start.

My son thoroughly cleaned out the rusted shed left by the old owner. We have to get rid of it but it was full of stuff. He found an inflatable jacuzzi  that we quickly put in the trash pile (ewww). There were three chainsaws, multiple hand saws and a battery powered nail gun. I don’t understand how so much equipment was purchased but nothing seems to have ever been repaired. A lot of the equipment works but there was a lot that is in the trash pile waiting for the dump. One day we’ll look back on it and laugh at all of the stuff that was in there. I’ve ordered a new shed and it will be here in two weeks, in the meantime we have to learn how to make a cement flooring for it in the back of the property. You see, this shed is currently sitting in front of the house, why? I do not know. But we’re going to learn cement and framing for it, not professional but it will be okay for us.

The job search is still stale although I did get an email to take a skills test for a position with the state. The test if this coming Friday but they don’t tell  you what they’re testing you on. I would never turn down an opportunity so I’m definitely going to go but I don’t exactly know what I’m walking into. We took a drive to find the address and it’s quite a drive but it’s better than nothing, which is what I have now. Other than this there has been nothing and I’m not quite sure why as I have a lot to offer. I guess it’s an entirely different ballgame out here where it’s not so densely populated like where I was before.

No matter what happens, I’m going to keep praying and keep looking. Something has to happen soon.

Holiday Seasons Change

The other day it rained, it rained for over 24 hours straight. I can’t remember at the old house it ever raining that long unless it was storm season. This was just non-stop rain, no gusting wind and only a tiny bit of thunder when it first started. Other than that it varied from sprinkle to downpour but it never stopped.

Our road is a dirt road, as we’re out in the woods, and I watched the puddles build while looking out our window. We had gone shopping earlier in the week and I was thankful that we didn’t have to leave the house but I did feel bad for the FedEx driver that had to be out in in.

My son and granddaughter have been fighting a bit of a cold, she’s had the sniffles while he’s had a horrible cough. I was doing everything I could, taking vitamin c and drinking my tea with honey, I thought I was out of the clear when he started to cough less. I was wrong, I feel like crud. Possibly what got me was that last week, my sister invited us to go to the Christmas parade and since we’re new here, I was able to get off of work early enough to go. It was nice, having that time to sit and talk to my sister is always nice but to watch the kids and grandkids interact is so wonderful to me. It got a little chilly towards the end of the parade and I left my jacket in the car so I think this is what pushed my immune system to it’s limit. By the time this past weekend got here, I was full cough and cold mode. This one is a bit different, I get a migraine and then the cough just feels like it’s going to blow my head off! I have to hold my head when I know I’m going to cough but it’s caught me off guard a few times. With work, since I work on the phone, I told my supervisor that I brought my sexy voice to work but I just couldn’t make it through the entire day on Saturday. I told them, and it was true, that my breathing sounded like a purring cat. I left early and took more medicine and laid down. That night when I laid in bed trying to sleep more, my breathing gave way to a squeak  as I exhaled. Nothing will scare you more than waking up to a cat being almost nose to nose with you while they hunt down the source of the squeak. I jumped and I think my heart skipped a beat a few times. I got back up to try and get it to clear but it just didn’t and I ended up falling asleep in the chair in the living room.

I’m still sick today but I can’t leave work, I have to make it through (need the money). My ears have decided to play a part of my day today and have plugged up. So, I’m coughing, wheezing, sniffling, sneezing, sleepy (more-so with the medicine), feverish. I feel like I’m missing a dwarf.

Only ten more hours to get through and then I can try to sleep again. I might try soaking in a steaming tub! Wow, I can actually say that and it sounds weird. But maybe that will help my breathing and throbbing head? I want to feel better for Christmas, I don’t have to work this year and I’m super excited. I think I’m excited to know how it feels with being in a new place and all. Moving from the old house to here, so far it hasn’t torn me like I thought it would but this is a big holiday so it makes me a bit nervous. With my sister being so close now, I think that’s helped a lot. We’re going to eat Christmas dinner at her house and it’s nice to even think of doing that without having to worry about a long drive afterwards. We’ll have New Years dinner here and they can come over, that sounds nice too.

My other sister that lives exactly next door to this sister, weird enough she has only been over here twice and hardly reaches out to me. I thought it was just because they didn’t want to help with any of the heavy work but even when she knows that we’ve got the house livable and we’re keeping the front part of the yard up while we clear out the back….she still doesn’t reach out. I don’t know what else to do. She knows I’m here and I welcome her in so we’ll just have to go from there.

Oooh, I just found out that I’m making an apple pie for Christmas dinner. I haven’t done one in a long time. I’ll see if I can take a picture of it! If I don’t write anything before Christmas gets here, for those that celebrate it and even if you don’t, I hope you have an amazing holiday season! I’m hoping for one also.